The title of this post actually comes a line used from Futurama. It was an episode where Leela used the Planet Express ship in a demolition derby, and competing Star Trek heads in jars piloted ships shaped like USS Enterprise and crashed against each other. I think the line may have been voiced by George Takei. Still, it is true. The more I have watched Star Trek: Enterprise on Netflix, the more I think the failure of that show can be placed at Bakula’s feet. Only, it’s not his fault — it’s the fault of the writers for that show. To be fair, I should disclose that I have seen all of Season 1 and half of Season 2.
As Starfleet “Captains” go, Scott Bakula is rather damned milquetoast. He loves a cute beagle to death with floppy ears. His favorite sport is water polo, which is pretty damned unwatchable. Trust me, I tried every four years the summer Olympics are up and going, and it’s a damned boring sport that will put you to sleep. Think about it, people are immersed in liquid, and they are throwing a ball around! You only get to see their heads and arms above water! It is not the definition of televised excitement. Still, the Captain Archer character goes out of his way to promote the sport with failing results. The Captain Archer character, as performed by Backula, just is not inspiring.
In short, he is no Kirk, Picard, Sisko, or Janeway. He is weakest of all the Star Trek captains on TV, and that is a damned shame if you consider the positioning of the “Enterprise” show on the Trek Timeline. This is a show that predated the United Federation of Planets. Archer should be the role model that Kirk, Picard, Sisko, and Janeway follow. Only he isn’t. This is a show that shows shows Starfleet in its infancy, and the best it can summon is a captain who likes to watch people swim in pool and pass a ball to somebody? As a result, Enterprise actually the weakest of all four shows. That is a shame, because it also had the potential to be the most new and different other than JJ Abrams fucking with the timeline. I really could have liked Star Trek: Enterprise. The idea was good, but the execution was rather underwhelming.